Home Schools & Teachers Coffee Jokes and Puns To Perk You Up All Day

Coffee Jokes and Puns To Perk You Up All Day

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In the world of caffeinated humor, few things are as invigorating as a well-crafted coffee joke, especially for tired teachers. From witty one-liner jokes to cheesy puns, the art of coffee-related humor is something many of us appreciate—especially after a rough morning! Whether you prefer your brew strong or your humor dark-roasted, we’ve put together this list of coffee jokes and puns to keep you perked up all day!

Our Favorite Coffee Jokes and Puns

Why did the coffee file a police report? 

Why did the coffee file a police report? 

It got mugged.

How does a tech guy drink coffee? 

How does a tech guy drink coffee? 

He installs Java- coffee jokes.

He installs Java.

How does coffee talk to its therapist? 

What did the coffee say to its therapist? 

I don't know, I've bean feeling a latte pressure lately.

It spills the beans.

What’s big, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? 

What's big, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? 

Java the Hut.

Java the Hut.

Why are all baristas good at solving mysteries? 

Why are all baristas good at solving mysteries? 

Because they know how to find the grounds.- coffee jokes

Because they know how to find the grounds.

What do you call sad coffee? 

What do you call sad coffee? 

Depresso.

Depresso.

How does a coffee tree greet people? 

How does a coffee tree greet people? 

With a latte enthusiasm!

With a latte enthusiasm!

How does a coffee bean say good morning? 

How does a coffee bean say good morning? 

Have a brew-tiful day!- coffee jokes

“Have a brew-tiful day!”

What’s a coffee lover’s favorite Beatles song? 

What's a coffee lover's favorite Beatles song? 

"Latte Be."

“Latte Be.”

How do you know if you’ve had too much coffee while watching TV? 

How do you know if you've had too much coffee while watching TV? 

You channel-surf faster without a remote.

You channel-surf faster without a remote.

Why was the coffee cold? 

Why was the coffee cold? 

It left its mug on the table.- coffee jokes

It left its mug on the table.

How do you know if you’re a coffee addict? 

How do you know if you're a coffee addict? 

You sleep with your eyes open.

You sleep with your eyes open.

What do you call two coffee mugs sitting side by side? 

What do you call two coffee mugs sitting side by side? 

A happy cup-ple.

A happy cup-ple.

What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? 

What's it called when you steal someone's coffee? 

Mugging.- coffee jokes

Mugging.

How does a cup of coffee feel about life? 

How does a cup of coffee feel about life? 

It's bean thinking a latte.

It’s bean thinking a latte.

What kind of coffee do vampires drink? 

What kind of coffee do vampires drink? 

Decoffinated.

Decoffinated.

What did the espresso say to the coffee bean? 

What did the espresso say to the coffee bean? 

You crack me up.

You crack me up.

How are coffee beans like kids? 

How are coffee beans like kids? 

They're always getting grounded.- coffee jokes

They’re always getting grounded.

What’s it called when you’re really into coffee? 

What's it called when you're really into coffee? 

A brewing romance.

A brewing romance.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? 

How did the hipster burn his tongue? 

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

How does a coffee profess its love? 

How does a coffee profess its love? 

Words cannot espresso what you mean to me- coffee jokes

“Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.”

Why did the espresso break up with the coffee bean? 

Why did the espresso break up with the coffee bean? 

It wasn’t their cup of tea.

Where does one cup of coffee talk to another? 

Where does one cup of coffee talk to another?  At the coffee pot.- coffee jokes

At the coffee pot.

How do you make a coffee float? 

How do you make a coffee float? 

You use heavy cream.

You use heavy cream.

What kind of picture did the police take of the coffee? 

What kind of picture did the police take of the coffee? 

A mug shot.- coffee jokes

A mug shot.

What’s the opposite of coffee? 

What's the opposite of coffee? 

Sneezy.

Sneezy.

What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? 

What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? 

Java.- coffee jokes

Java.

How does a coffee snob take their coffee? 

How does a coffee snob take their coffee?  Seriously. Very seriously. - coffee jokes

Seriously. Very seriously.

Why did the barista get fired? 

Why did the barista get fired? 

They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.

They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.

What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? 

What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? 

Raw raw raw raw raw.

Raw raw raw raw raw.

What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? 

What’s a barista’s favorite exercise?  The French press.- coffee jokes

The French press.

I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning.

I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning.

I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”

I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”

Did you hear about the guy who put World War II figures in his coffee every morning? 

Did you hear about the guy who put World War II figures in his coffee every morning? 

He heard that the best part of waking up was soldiers in your cup.

He heard that the best part of waking up was soldiers in your cup.

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? 

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?  I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!- coffee jokes

I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

Why do some people call fresh coffee mud? 

Why do some people call fresh coffee mud? 

Because it was just ground a few minutes ago.

Because it was just ground a few minutes ago.

What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar? 

What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar? 

A brew-haha.

A brew-haha.

There are two kinds of people in the world …

There are two kinds of people in the world ... Those who love coffee and liars.- coffee jokes

Those who love coffee and liars.

What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? 

What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? 

What’s Sumatra with you?- coffee jokes

What’s Sumatra with you?

Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?

Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?

It can be a strong, heated debate.

It can be a strong, heated debate.

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

I asked for the coffee.

What did the coffee lover name her son?

What did the coffee lover name her son?

Joe.- coffee jokes

Joe.

How is divorce like espresso?

How is divorce like espresso? It’s expensive and bitter.- coffee jokes

It’s expensive and bitter.

What did the caffeine addict name his cats?

What did the caffeine addict name his cats?

Cream and Sugar.

Cream and Sugar.

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there …

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there ... You may be drinking too much coffee. - coffee jokes

You may be drinking too much coffee.

What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?

What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?

De-calf-inated!

De-calf-inated!

Where do birds go for coffee?

Where do birds go for coffee? To the Nest-cafe.- coffee jokes

To the Nest-cafe.

What does a coffee lover say when they want to ask their crush out on a date?

What does a coffee lover say when they want to ask their crush out on a date?

I’ve been thinking about you a latte.- coffee jokes

I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Because they know how to espresso themselves.

Because they know how to espresso themselves.

How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?

How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.- coffee jokes

One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.

What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?

What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?

Déjà brew.- coffee jokes

Déjà brew.

What’s the soup of the day? 

What’s the soup of the day?  Coffee.- coffee jokes

Coffee.

What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

Break fluid.- coffee jokes

Break fluid.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

Sanka.

Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

It’s a cheap shot.

It’s a cheap shot.

I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee …

I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee ... Safe tea first, though. - coffee jokes

Safe tea first, though.

A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”

The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”

What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?

What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.= - coffee jokes

The ground floor.

Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?

Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?

Because he was pressed for time.- coffee jokes

Because he was pressed for time.

Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would commit a crime for a cup of coffee.

Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would commit a crime for a cup of coffee.

I really should move that mirror.

I really should move that mirror.

A man went to his doctor and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he gets a stabbing pain in his right eye.

A man went to his doctor and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he gets a stabbing pain in his right eye. The doctor said, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?” - coffee jokes

The doctor said, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”

A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go.

A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go.

The coffee gets up and leaves.

The coffee gets up and leaves.

What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?

What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?

Star-bucks.- coffee jokes

Star-bucks.

I just got myself a top-of-the-line coffee maker.

I just got myself a top-of-the-line coffee maker. It has a lot of perks. - coffee jokes

It has a lot of perks.

“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?”

“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?”

“Two dollars, and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill.- coffee jokes”

“Two dollars, and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill.”

How does Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?

How does Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?

Because they have Italian titles for everything!

Because they have Italian titles for everything!

People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.

People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning. No, I say. I just bring him some coffee. - coffee jokes

No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.

How do you make beef jerky?

How do you make beef jerky?

Give the cows some coffee.- coffee jokes

Give the cows some coffee.

I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes, I realized I forgot my car.

I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes, I realized I forgot my car.

What do beans say to their valentines? 

What do beans say to their valentines? 

You keep me grounded.

You keep me grounded.

What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? 

What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? 

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”

How did Henry VIII like his coffee? 

How did Henry VIII like his coffee? 

Decap.

Decap.

What did the coffee say before a night out? 

What did the coffee say before a night out? 

Let’s stir up some trouble!

Let’s stir up some trouble!

What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? 

What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? 

Rise and grind!- coffee jokes

Rise and grind!

You mocha me very happy.

You mocha me very happy.

Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.

Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.

Where have you bean all my life?

Where have you bean all my life?- coffee jokes

It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.

It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.- coffee jokes

Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.

Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.

I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.

I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.- coffee jokes

You’re brew-tiful.

You’re brew-tiful.- coffee jokes

We’re the perfect blend.

We’re the perfect blend.

Espresso yourself.

Espresso yourself.- coffee jokes

Just brew it.

Just brew it.- coffee jokes

What are your favorite coffee jokes and puns? Come share in our We Are Teachers HELPLINE group on Facebook!

Plus, if you liked these coffee jokes, check out these Cheesy Teacher Jokes That Make Us Laugh Out Loud.



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