Need a good laugh? Chances are your students do too! After you’ve been working so hard together, you deserve a break. We’ve put together this list of funny dad jokes for kids that you can share in your classroom whenever you need it. Warning: These dad jokes for kids jokes are really cheesy!
Best Dad Jokes for Kids
1. Where do young trees go to learn?
Elementree school.
2. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
3. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
The space bar.
4. When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
5. Why shouldn’t you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
6. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?
They work on many levels.
7. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
8. Which state has the most streets?
Road Island.
9. Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
10. If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?
An iWitness.
11. Why are piggy banks so wise?
They’re filled with common cents.
12. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands.
13. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?
By its bark.
14. What do you call a hot dog on wheels?
Fast food!
15. Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
16. Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind—it’s tearable.
17. Can February March?
No, but April May!
18. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
19. What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
20. Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Times Square.
21. What’s a robot’s favorite snack?
Computer chips.
22. Mountains aren’t just funny …
They’re hill areas.
23. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
24. What’s the best-smelling insect?
A deodor-ant.
25. Did you know corduroy pillows are in style?
They’re making head lines.
26. Have you ever tried to catch fog?
I tried yesterday but I mist.
27. How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
28. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
29. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
30. What did one wall say to the other?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
31. Where do fruits go on vacation?
Pear-is.
32. What has more letters than the alphabet?
The post office.
33. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
34. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
35. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
36. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
37. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
38. What kind of car does an egg drive?
A Yolkswagen.
39. Why did the drum go to bed?
It was beat.
40. What did one plate say to another plate?
Dinner’s on me tonight.
41. Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles?
He got over it.
42. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
14-carrot gold.
43. What does a librarian use to go fishing?
A bookworm.
44. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
45. Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar?
He ordered everyone a round.
46. What do computers eat for a snack?
Microchips.
47. Why did the girl toss a clock out the window?
She wanted to see time fly.
48. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
49. Why can’t the sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he keeps getting lost at C.
50. The past, present, and future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
51. How do celebrities keep cool?
They have many fans.
52. What do pigs use to clean up?
Hogwash.
53. How do mice floss their teeth?
With string cheese.
54. Once I read a book about glue.
I couldn’t put it down.
55. How can you tell when a comic passes gas?
Something smells funny.
56. What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky.
57. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Summer wasn’t too bad either.
58. What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
59. What did the earthquake say when it was done?
Sorry, my fault!
60. Why did the roofer go to the doctor?
He had shingles.
61. Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink?
He’s at the hospital waiting to be seen.
62. When is a door not a door?
When it’s a jar.
63. What sits on the seabed and has anxiety?
A nervous wreck.
64. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
65. Where do armies belong?
In your sleevies.
66. How do you cook an alligator?
In a Croc-Pot.
67. Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
68. What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich?
Millionaire.
69. Have you ever had a bad sausage?
It’s the wurst.
70. What kind of bug can tell time?
A clock-roach.
71. Why did the computer catch a cold?
It left a window open.
72. Did you hear about the broken guitar that’s for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
73. What should you do to prevent dry skin?
Don’t use a towel.
74. How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.
75. Why did the whale blush?
It saw the ocean’s bottom.
76. Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.
77. I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but …
I couldn’t find them.
78. What kind of music scares balloons?
Pop music.
79. What did the Dalmatian say after dinner?
That hit the spot.
80. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
81. Did you hear about the cold dinner?
It was chili.
82. How do frogs invest their money?
They use a stock croaker.
83. Why do nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
84. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected fowl play.
85. How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
86. A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
87. Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist?
He needed to get crowns.
88. Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus?
He wanted to go to high school.
89. Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines?
She had issues.
90. Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
91. Why did the orange stop halfway across the road?
It ran out of juice.
92. Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems.
93. What do you give the Dentist of the Year?
A little plaque.
94. What should you do if you meet a giant?
Use big words.
95. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
96. Why are fish so smart?
Because they swim in schools.
97. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
Just in case he got a hole in one.
98. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
It was outstanding in its field.
99. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
It lost its filling.
100. How do you stop a bull from charging?
You cancel its credit card.
101. Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown?
It felt funny afterward.
102. How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying?
You rocket.
103. Why did the coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
104. Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots?
He wanted to pick his nose.
105. What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?
A shoe.
106. Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk?
He tripped on a quack.
107. What do dogs and phones have in common?
Both have collar ID.
108. I used to be a banker.
I lost interest.
109. Why are pigs bad drivers?
They hog the road.
110. What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill?
A lambslide.
111. What invention allows us to see through walls?
Windows.
112. Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
113. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
114. What kind of bird works on a construction site?
A crane.
115. Why did the nose feel sad?
It was always getting picked on.
116. What happens when doctors get frustrated?
They lose their patients.
117. What do you call a sheep that knows karate?
A lamb chop.
118. How does Darth Vader like his bagels?
On the dark side.
119. Where’s the one place you should never take your dog?
A flea market.
120. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
121. What did one leaf say to the other?
I’m falling for you.
122. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
123. Why did the tailor get fired?
He wasn’t a good fit.
124. What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spec-tater.
125. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
126. Where do elephants store luggage?
In a trunk.
127. What do you call a moose with no name?
Anonymoose.
128. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
129. Why was the football stadium cold?
There were too many fans.
130. Why do bakers work so hard?
Because they knead dough.
131. What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
132. What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
133. Why did the ram run over the cliff?
He didn’t see the ewe turn.
134. Why shouldn’t you trust trees?
They seem shady.
135. What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad.
136. What did the hamburger name its baby?
Patty.
137. Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory?
He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
138. What did one piece of tape say to the other?
Let’s stick together.
139. What type of music do the planets enjoy?
Neptunes.
140. What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity?
Nothing. He was too shocked.
141. Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg?
He’s all right now.
142. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I’m coming down with something.
143. Did you hear about the ice cream truck accident?
It crashed on a rocky road.
144. Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
145. How do birds learn to fly?
They wing it.
146. How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
147. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
148. Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party?
It was nuts.
149. What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
150. What did the blanket say to the bed?
I’ve got you covered.
151. Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
152. Why did the watch go on vacation?
To unwind.
153. What is a calendar’s favorite food?
Dates.
154. Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Because they have their own set of scales.
155. Why can’t you trust a balloon?
It’s full of hot air.
156. What did one hat say to the other?
You go on ahead.
157. A cheese factory exploded in France.
Da brie is everywhere!
158. Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its website.
159. Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns.
That’s just how eye roll.
160. Why did the phone wear glasses?
Because it lost all its contacts.
161. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
162. Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
163. Where does a sheep go to get a haircut?
The baa-baa shop.
164. Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
165. What do you call birds that stick together?
Velcrows.
166. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bed time.
167. What did the roof say to the shingle?
The first one’s on the house.
168. Why should you never use a dull pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
169. What do you give a scientist with bad breath?
Experi-mints.
170. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumby.
171. Where did the cat go after losing its tail?
The retail store.
172. Why do dragons sleep during the day?
Because they like to fight knights.
173. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
174. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore.
175. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.
176. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
177. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek?
Because he was always spotted.
178. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
179. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
180. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
181. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes its car?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
182. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Let out a little wine.
183. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
184. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
185. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
186. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
187. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
188. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
You’ll rise and shine!
189. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.
190. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.
191. What runs but never gets tired?
Water.
192. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
193. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
Irrelephant.
194. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick-or-treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
195. What has keys but can’t open locks?
A piano.
196. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
197. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
198. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
199. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneekers.
200. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
201. What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A cat-astrophe.
202. What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador.
203. What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?
Hoodini.
204. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
205. What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
Cool music.
206. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
207. What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Bearfoot.
208. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
209. What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
210. Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milk shake.
211. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
212. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
A python.
213. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
214. What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
Ian.
215. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
216. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.
217. What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
218. What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
219. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backward?
A receding hareline.
220. Why did the melon jump into the lake?
It wanted to be a watermelon.
221. Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants.
Now they are tenants.
222. What do you call a group of disorganized wolves?
A howl-arious mess.
223. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
224. Why do bees hum?
Because they don’t know the words.
225. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
226. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe.
227. Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
228. What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
229. What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!
230. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
231. Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long.
232. What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A cloud.
233. What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish.
234. Why was the broom late?
It overswept.
235. How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Add spring water.
236. Why do vampires always seem sick?
Because they’re always coffin.
237. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look, no hands!
238. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?
A king salmon.
239. Why does the mushroom get invited to all the parties?
Because he’s such a fungi.
240. How does a snowman get around?
By riding an ‘icicle.
241. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
242. Where do penguins go to vote?
The North Poll.
243. How do you light up a sports stadium?
With a soccer match.
244. What did one toilet say to the other?
You appear a bit flushed.
245. What should you do if your puppy isn’t feeling well?
Take him to the dog-tor.
246. Why did the man bring his watch to the bank?
He wanted to save time.
247. Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baaaa-hamas.
248. What do clouds wear beneath their pants?
Thunderwear.
249. What did one potato chip say to the other?
Let’s go for a dip.
250. How did the piano get locked out of its car?
It lost its keys.
251. What kind of bagel can travel?
A plain bagel.
252. What’s the best way to make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
253. What do you call an anxious fly?
A jitterbug.
254. Why are most people tired on April 1?
They’ve just finished a 31-day March.
255. Where do birds stay when they travel?
Someplace cheep.
256. What kind of felines can bowl?
Alley cats.
257. I told a bad chemistry joke once.
I got no reaction.
258. When’s the best time to call your dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
259. Where did people hang out during medieval times?
At knight clubs.
260. How do you make a robot angry?
Keep pushing its buttons.
261. How much does it cost to swim with sharks?
An arm and a leg.
262. Why did the rabbit go to the salon?
It was having a bad hare day.
263. Why did the employee go to work on stilts?
He wanted a raise.
264. What’s the best way to catch a fish?
Ask someone to throw it to you.
265. Why shouldn’t you tell jokes to a duck?
Because they’ll quack up.
266. What do you call a fake dad?
A faux pas.
267. What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy?
A sturgeon.
268. What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Bored games.
269. What do cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
270. How do you hire a horse?
Put up a ladder.
271. What do you call a pig who knows how to use a butcher knife?
A pork chop.
272. How can you tell if a pig is hot?
It’s bacon.
273. When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
274. How do you make an eggroll?
You push it.
275. Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning?
It had a conductor.
276. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
277. What did the boy say to his fingers?
I’m counting on you.
278. How many apples can you grow on a tree?
All of them.
279. What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
What a releaf.
280. My manager told me to have a good day.
So I didn’t go in to work.