On the second day of my first year of teaching—young, fresh-faced, and 21 years old—I found myself thrown into the deep end. An ambiguous email from the guidance counselor popped into my inbox, telling me simply to call a student’s mother. Without much context, I asked for clarity from the principal. I don’t remember his exact wishes, but I essentially had to “sell” my worth as a teacher to this parent, assuring them I wasn’t as “tough” as their daughter might have perceived on the first day.
For 20 minutes of a planning period I could have definitely used, I tried to convince a parent and student that I was the right fit to be their math teacher. I hung up and thought, “Man, is this the norm?” I had heard “the parent is always right” horror stories in college, but I didn’t expect to discover it for myself this early in the school year.
I wish I could say that was the last time I had to establish my value with a parent. How did we get to the point where parents hold all the power and we just rush around to placate them? This Reddit post posed the same question:
How did we get to this point where admin is afraid of parents?
“My aunt taught in the ’70s, and back then you could tell off parents/say ‘too bad so sad. These are my rules. You don’t like it, take your child somewhere else.’ Now, schools do whatever they can to make parents happy, at the expense of their teachers. Just how did we get here?”
Below, we summarize the ideas that Reddit teachers pose as reasons for how we got to this point. They are pretty interesting to consider.
Parents (and parenting) have changed
“My admin said these aren’t Helicopter Parents, they’re Lawnmower Parents. Because they want to get rid of all obstacles that could be in their child’s way and don’t want them to face any kind of failure or hardship. Not to mention having to protect their delicate ‘self-esteem.’” —OneHappyOne
(We know a thing or two about lawnmower parents!)
Money talks
“Sadly though, in my experience, many of those lawnmower parents also have money. So mommy and daddy will either leave them with a hefty trust fund, give them great connections, or hire them at their company where they can get away with murder. And then they grow up to be the people who wonder why others don’t just ‘pull themselves up by their bootstraps’ and think privilege doesn’t exist.” —OneHappyOne
Standing up to parents = the fast track to burnout
“Former admin who just returned to the classroom here! Those of us who were willing to stand up against parents burn out quickly—I did after 5 years. They may end up accepting the answer ‘no’, but they will make your life a living hell in the process. I have so much admiration for admin who can stick with it. It’s so hard.” —Foofdog21
“The customer is always right” mentality
“Theoretically, in no other field would you have someone saying ‘Yeah, I get you have experience, but, you know, ME!’ Regrettably, coming from industry, this is pure America. Forester saying wildfires are imminent without pre-burns? Nah, can’t do smoke. Engineer says bridge going to fail in 20 years using cheap concrete? Well, low bid is best for customer.”
“It’s no surprise the ‘customer is always right’ spread to education as well.” —P4intsplatter
Expertise doesn’t matter anymore
“Hi, healthcare provider here. This concept also applies in my profession as well. ‘I know my body the best.’ ‘But I read online that …’ ‘I don’t care what the research says. I don’t trust it.’ Everyone is an expert. Friends, we live in an age where information is so readily accessible and vast. This means that conformation bias and confidence bias are very prevalent. Yet, we still have experts who are still trying to do everything they can to do what’s right with that expertise and knowledge. The pandemic set this into overdrive. There has been such tremendous uncertainty that people want to do anything they can just to feel like they have control. This means an overinflated sense of intelligence and hyper defending beliefs I feel for teachers and administrators alike. My profession has seen many providers leave healthcare. I am of the opinion that we must focus more on teaching humans about their brains. Many humans just live their lives having no real comprehension of how the human brain operates. The organ that encompasses our entire cognition and most people don’t have clue about it. I think part of improving our social functionality is to have dedicated learning about the brain. I think this is as critical as learning to read and write and math.” —Gullible_Board3762
The fear of lawsuits
“One word: lawsuits.”
“My experience in principal school was that you really didn’t want to get sued, and really really didn’t want to get sued over a special issue. Never mind the warning was probably focused on doing stupid stuff to get sued, many principals took it to heart as a way of doing business. When a lawsuit costs a district hundreds of thousands of dollars, and principals who get sued can quickly lose their jobs, it’s a real concern.”
“The post-COVID world has brought a particularly virulent strain of parent aggressiveness which makes it even worse.” —[deleted]
The commodification of education
“Firstly, the general societal attitudes towards authority and respect have changed. Earlier, there was a lot more deference shown to authority figures like teachers, as your aunt’s experience suggests. Nowadays, there’s a lot more questioning and demands for accountability, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that teachers often get the short end of the stick. Another big issue is the commodification of education. With schools increasingly being seen as businesses, customer satisfaction, i.e., parent satisfaction, has become paramount. It’s kind of a slippery slope. Also, let’s not forget the influence of social media. Parents nowadays can voice their opinions and complaints far more widely, putting a lot of pressure on schools to appease them. Hope this helps shed some light on it all! It’s definitely a complex issue.” —Thenutritionguru
School shopping
“This is an important and complicated question, and there isn’t one definitive answer. A few things that come to mind are culture changes and deliberate attempts to dismantle the public school system by right-wing groups. But one of the most important factors, at least where I live, is the prevalence of school choice. In my state, parents can send their kid to any public school in the state (if they get in via lottery) or to any of a ridiculous number of charters. Parents can just go elsewhere if they don’t like the rules, but schools depend on enrollment numbers for funding. This skews the power balance away from school leadership and towards parents.” —Vergil_Is_My_Copilot
Speaking of, maybe parents have more power because schools really need them to fulfill enrollment numbers for funding. Interesting thought!
“Families are our clients”
“Our new superintendent straight up told us ‘families are our clients. Parents are our customer.’ Enraging!!”
Reflecting on these insights and experiences shared by the Reddit teachers, it’s evident that the landscape of education and power dynamics is not what it used to be. Societal changes, economic factors, and evolving parent expectations have shifted the power dynamics. We all agree that parental involvement is crucial to student success, but there needs to be a balance of power. Administrators, teachers, and parents can together ensure the focus is on student learning, not parent capitulation.